the anthropologie effect

In addition to eating better and exercising, I think my other new year resolution is to stop looking at wedding websites. Much like the eating of dairy and sitting on the couch, reading about other people's wedding, invitations, and flower arrangements makes me feel bad about myself.

In defense of wedding porn, I love that weddings are no longer super cheesy affairs that go from church to rented ballroom at the Sheraton with white wedding cakes covered in layers of frosting. I love that you can wear what you want, get married somewhere secular, and have tacos instead of salmon and grilled asparagus. And I love that people are using the tubes to share ideas and pictures and tips for supercool weddings. These are all very good things, and I'm glad this is the kind of world I'm getting married in.

What I don't like is, what I term, the anthropologie effect on weddings. This is when every detail of the wedding becomes important. From save the date to handkerchief to the damn envelope box, these wedding websites glorify the minutiae and make you feel like that damn envelope box defines who you are as a person, a couple, and a contributing member of the human race. It's just like an anthropologie store, which isn't just selling expensive sweaters that look second-hand; they are selling you a lifestyle, an identity, from the weathered wood table upon which the sweaters are displayed to the french nouveau cabinet holding mugs and saucers you can't afford (though they oddly all look like something you could find on ebay for 15 cents. but whatevs). And here's the tricky part: you buy the second-hand sweater for 120 bucks, thinking that it will transform your life into a foreign film from the 60s set in misty Amsterdam. But it doesn't. Because that one sweater for 120 bucks is going to be worn with your old jeans and scuffed shoes from Target while sitting in Ikea furniture. You can't have the anthropologie life just by buying one sweater.

These wedding websites do the same thing. You start to think that the quirky seating chart or the handmade cake topper will turn your wedding into something that should be featured in a catalogue. And these hip weddings with cool brides and grooms look like they were thrown together with a casual flick of the DIY wrist. But like that sneaky anthropologie shop, you realize the bride is a graphic designer who had all the tools to make her own paper goods, the groom is in a band, and they both make loads of money to spend on designer gowns and suits. It looks like flea market finds, but it is all top-dollar and it will make you feel bad about yourself.

So I'm done being told that any part of my wedding other than the guy standing next to me at the altar in any way defines me as a person. I want to show my guests a good time, and I want the whole thing to feel right for me and the mister, but I'm not looking for any more 'inspiration'. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not even using any of the ideas I've seen on those websites.

Goodbye bklynbride, snippet, and styleme. It was a fun jaunt into the land of delusion, but I'm happy to be getting back to a surfing routine of msn hot gossip and merlin mann. those are ideals I can live up to.