what's in my fridge

I've been doing my best lately to eat health(ier) meals that involve foods with around one ingredient. So less mock meats with about ten different kinds of chemicals and soy gluten isoloxynodohedron (which may or may not be a twelve-sided die) and more beans and veggies and whole grains. My little mission has resulted in a few super easy stand-by dishes that I thought would be worth posting for the healthy woman on the go. So here we go:

1. Chickpeas.

I heart chickpeas. They are impossible to screw up and always taste good. Right now my favorite preparation is dumping a can in a pan with some olive oil and white wine. I usually drain out about half of the liquid from the can and use some of that liquid in the pan as well. I simmer the beans in the liquids with some chili powder and cumin for about 5 minutes. And that's it. I've found that the longer that cook, the better they are but some days I'm just too hungry to wait. I usually make up a batch on Monday and then eat the leftovers throughout the week. They're really good on top of salads (I'm currently a fan of warm things on top of cold things, so I'll heat the chickpeas up before putting them on a salad) or just as a side dish.

When I get tired of garbanzo, I usually switch to cannellini or kidney beans. For the cannellini, I heat them in a pot with the the liquid from the can, a good measure of white wine, and some olive oil. Then I add Italian seasonings - oregano, basil, etc - until I feel like I'm back in Tuscany. For the red beans I tend to just heat them slightly and then eat them with diced red pepper and some italian dressing or red wine vinaigrette.

2. Kale.

Most vegans view kale as the be-all, end-all of leafy green vegetables. It probably has more vitamins than a vitamin tablet. I am at present in love with kale chips. They are easy to make and unfortunately even easier to screw up, so pay attention! The easy part is tearing the leaves off into bite size pieces, putting them in a pan, spraying them with some oil, and sprinkling with salt before popping them into the oven. The hard part is remembering to take them OUT of the oven. I have sent many a batch of burnt kale into the garbage and oh does the smell linger. The pieces take about five minutes at 400 to get slightly crispy, and I've found that checking them obsessively and pulling them out every couple minutes works best for me. I also prefer my chips more soft than crisp, so I tend to be happy taking them out early.

When the kale runs out I revert to the other vegan staple, broccoli. It's another one of those vitamin powerhouses. I generally try to eat a handful a day of broccoli, which isn't too hard. Steamed is the easiest, but when I have to pack lunches I've found that raw broccoli in balsamic is pretty good. I generally really dislike raw broccoli, and the balsamic adds just enough liquid to combat that whole 'oh my god raw broccoli sucks' reaction I usually have. Along those lines, honey can be a big help for raw carrots.

3. Brown rice.

Totally boring, right? A big ol' plate of chickpeas, kale, and brown rice. Grossness. But au contraire, mon frere! The chili powder on the chickpeas and the salt on the kale and the right blend of brown rice can make for a veritable taste explosion. My rice recommendation at present is the brown rice medley from Trader Joes This is another dish that I make in large batches at the beginning of the week and then reheat for lunch for the rest of the week. When I run out of brown rice, I'll make a batch of couscous or quinoa for the week. I finally bought some barley, so we'll see what the grain is all about.

4. Soba noodles.

These are another 'take me through the week' staple. I'll boil up a pack on Monday and keep them in the fridge all week. When I'm feeling adventurous, I steam broccoli, carrots, tofu, and bok choy and mix them with the soba and some veggie broth. When I'm watching my stories, I eat them cold from tupperware without anything on them other than a sprinkle of sesame seeds.

5. Almond butter.

You can make this stuff! No really. It's crazy easy. All you need is a food processor and some ear plugs. I buy a bag of raw, unsalted almonds from Trader Joes and put about a cup into my food processor, using the S-blade. And then WHIR! It will initially make the most god-awful sound but after a minute it goes away. Every few minutes or so I check the processor and scrape the sides back down, but other than that I just let the machine work its magic. After about 8-10 minutes I have almond butter. Done and done. Given that I think almond butter on apples and bananas is the most wonderful snack ever, I make almond butter at least once if not twice a week. If you consume nut butters at a regular rate, yours should last two weeks.


All of this advance preparation has led to one problem: buried leftovers in a sea of tupperware and half-cut vegetables. I finally decided to tackle the issue by keeping a list of the food I have in the fridge. It's sort of a reverse grocery list. Now when I go to the fridge I can see in plain English that I still have a large bunch of radishes. Radishes which are presently shoved to the back of the crisper and buried under unwieldy Mr. Kale and which I would not have remembered until next week when I finish off the kale and find a mushy red mess of root vegetables. The list helps me tackle lunch and dinner because I can sort of prioritize what's in the fridge based on when it will go bad. When I finish off a vegetable or tupperwared leftover, it gets crossed off, so now I also have a good sense of what foods need to be replenished.

Happy eating!

money for nothing

I realize that this economic downturn is by and large a very bad thing. But for those of us in academia who can spend Wednesday mornings at a near-empty mall, this recession totally rocks. I scored a cashmere sweater at the BR for 12.99. Now I won't be nearly as angry when the sweater inevitably begins to pill and get holes. Then I went into Aveda to buy a candle, and the super bored employee decided to smear every kind of face cream on me, put lots of product in my hair, and then top it all off with a neck and back massage while I sipped herbal tea. All for the price of a candle (well, and the tea. I love that Aveda tea and finally buckled and bought some). After that I went to the Container Store to pick up our brand new elfa shelving for the 'Master Bedroom' closet. That label kind of cracks me up. It's our only bedroom, so the term 'master' might be overdoing it. How about the 'not the room with the futon' (reach-in) closet (with no interior lighting)? Much more accurate. After they loaded up my car with elfa galore, I went back in to check out some under cabinet solutions. This sweet girl walked me up and down every aisle and listened with such intent as I explained the giant recess of uselessness that is our corner cabinet. I think she really felt my pain. I felt a bit more pain than I was anticipating at the check out. How can a lazy susan be so expensive? It's a plastic circle. A WHEEL. Wheels should not be expensive, especially when its only function is to spin. In a circle. With tupperware on top.

So the moral of the story -- go to the mall. Now. Right now. That chick at Aldo's will be over the moon while you try on nine pairs of boots. She might even toss in the foot pads for free.

ba-leted

I woke up this morning to find a Friend Request from a girl who spent most of middle school tormenting me, high school ignoring me, and one-off meetings after graduation acting like nothing had ever happened. I decided this was the nudge I needed to deactivate my Facebook account. I was a little surprised by just how spot on the choices were for choosing to delete my account: I don't get it; I'm spending too much time on it; I don't feel safe; I'm worried about my privacy. All they need to add is an 'I'm just SO over it' choice and I think all the bases are covered.

Maxxinista

I know they make the employees say it, but every time a TJ Maxx employee picks up one of the items I am buying and tells me in a hushed voice, 'this is a really great deal', I feel like a total winner. Today I went so far as to agree, nodding emphatically and whispering back, 'I know', as if the Calvin Klein himself would appear and demand the full price for his bathmat if I said it too loudly.

bed bath and bemoaning

The husband has just declared the new color of the bathroom to be, and I quote, conducive to pooping. Our cat Henry has declared the paint worthy of being spread all over the hardwood floors in a lovely paw print pattern. I just want to take a shower in our finally finished bathroom.

So far my favorite part of the bathroom renovation has been the mister 'hiding' our California Closets brochure so the plumber wouldn't, you know, get the idea that we're the kind of people who spend too much on home improvement. Instead we're the kind of people who hide things from our plumber. We did, though, manage to knock some off the final price of the vanity installation thanks to the mister's smooth talking, and I can't help but think how much more we could have saved if I had remembered to hide the Kitchenaid mixer. When the electrician comes, I'm replacing all of our furniture with tablecloths draped over boxes.

Leaving The Learning Channel

I was staying in a hotel this past weekend with cable TV and came across every young adult's love-to-hate channel, TLC. You know, the official network of every major life milestone of adulthood: getting engaged, buying a dress, choosing a wedding planner, learning to dance at your wedding, buying a house, renovating the house, and having a baby whether you do or do not realize you are pregnant.

When we were planning the wedding and hunting down the perfect new home, I was sucked into TLC's gravitation pull. I would watch hours of life experiences unfold before me while home visiting my parents for the holidays, and it was flat out exhausting. I think wedding planning in particular is an even more harrowing endeavor nowadays because of things like TLC. I now know more than I could have or cared to have known about what people spend on dresses, food, and quirky dance routines. The more I watched and felt overwhelmed by all the possibilities, the more I wanted to get married in a church followed by a hotel ballroom reception with a cover band and big white cake. Bring on the calligraphy and jordan almonds!

TLC wasn't the only culprit - over this past year I have been susceptible to every wedding on television or in movies, and I quickly became overly aware of the possible square footage of apartments on sitcoms and the layout of the kitchen. 'Well isn't that a clever place to put a pot rack and did you see the wedding photo on the mantle? Looks like an outdoor wedding in the spring...' Add on top of that magazines and blogs, and I was target audience numero uno for every media outlet. From Bridezilla to This Old House, I was ready to watch and buy whatever the advertiser's were selling.

But then this weekend I turned on TLC in the hotel and felt numb as brides-to-be paraded forth in frocks of sequins and pearls. Been there, done that, TLC. What else you got? Oh, someone trying to find a two-bedroom in Portland even though they can only put down 1% of the asking price? Meh. How about a show called 'what the hell were the previous owners of this place thinking when they drilled a bajillion holes into the woodwork?' I would totally watch that. Or, 'which cat tracked poop all over the house?' Riveting!

It is of course a little bittersweet to be past these 'firsts' and to no longer be the target audience for most of the TLC network programming. There's always the baby nonsense that clogs the midday airwaves, but between pooping cats and a husband who goes into toddler hysterics when his blood sugar drops and can only be soothed by the red vines or cheerios stuffed in my giant purse, I think I might just be past that programming as well.

and I say hey, what a wonderful kind of day

We lost our free cable a few weeks ago. I believe it is part of Comcast's evil plan to give people free cable, take it away, and wait for those now addicted to Top Chef to come crawling back to them, ready to pay any price, JUST GIVE ME THE GOODS, MAN. Fortunately for us, our cable watching was mainly restricted to Mad Men, which is now over, and I can pretty much watch everything else online, through our internet, provided by Comcast. Sucka.

This is all to say that today when I was home and eating lunch and surfing during Tyra commercial breaks (and might I just say, that bitch is crazy. Seriously. Who gave that woman a talk show and what producer lets her continually dress like a drag queen while speaking in random, inconsistent, accents? Are you French, from the hood, a gay queen? I give up. But I guess you're on top), I happened upon an episode of Arthur - two episodes actually. I stopped at the first one because Tom and Ray, the CarTalk guys, were on. No joke: Arthur's dad was having a problem with the family car, so Arthur called up CarTalk and his rabbit friend imitated the noise the car made. It was very cool and very disorienting and I now know what the Magliozzi brothers would look like if they were cartoon woodland creatures. Thank you, public broadcasting.

It was the next episode that caused me to write a blog post. In this episode some girl is a bed wetter and fretting about the slumber party she has to attend. While at home, she wears an alarm to wake her up to go to the bathroom. WTF, right? She had this thing that looked like a walkie-talkie on her shoulder and she was telling her dad she wouldn't wear it in front of everyone. And then her dad told her she could wear her Pull-Ups, which I'm pretty sure is a copyrighted name by Pampers. And this isn't even the weird part of the episode yet. Yes, it gets more bizarre than a cartoon bunny with a bed-wetting alarm attached to her nightgown. She has a dream sequence during the episode in which she wins a gold medal in the Olympics and the sportscasters comment on her Nocturnal Enuresis. I'm not being clever here -- the cartoon anteater said, on the children's show, "This is such a great triumph, especially given her struggle with NOCTURNAL ENURESIS." Since this was a PBS program, the other sportscaster then got out a dictionary and explained what nocturnal (occurring at night) and enuresis (from the Greek meaning 'to make water') mean.

So I'm pretty much floored at this point. An episode on a children's program about bed-wetting is something I can handle - I think Ben Seaver or Screech had the same problem. But alarms? Scientific terminology? NPR programming? And then there came this line which made my head explode: "You know that soda is a diuretic, right?"

Diuretic, folks. A word I just had to google to make sure I could spell it correctly, came out of the mouth of a cartoon moose on an episode of Arthur. This was another learning moment as the moose explains to everyone that diuretic has nothing to do with 'going number 2' but simply 'going number 1' more often. It's fancy moose talk for saying, all that soda is going to make you pee a lot.

I didn't find out if the girl made it through the slumber party or not without any mishaps. Tyra had Clinton Kelly giving makeovers to moms, daughters, and bathrooms while offering dating advice to vegetarians. But I did find out that Arthur is (1) still on PBS, (2) still very current with the times, and (3) makes me very uncomfortable.